A Gold Fish Story

When my daughter was about eleven she went to a street fair with her father and came home with a sandwich baggy, held it up for me to see and said, "Look Ma a goldfish!" I said, "That's a goldfish?" In the baggy was a little silver fish.  I put it into a "goldfish bowl" and put it on the bathroom window sill.  I fed it several times a day.  (What do I know?)  But it looked so little, and alone that I went to Petland and bought ten for $1.00 feeder goldfish.  I put them all into the little goldfish bowl and fed them several times a day.  Soon they seemed too big and the bowl looked very crowded so I went to a garage sale and found a twenty gallon tank on a stand.  I went back to Petland and bought some gravel, plants and a filter.  I filled the tank with water and gravel and put the plants in and then put in the eleven goldfish.  Now they looked very little in that big twenty gallon tank.  So I went back to Petland and bought ten more goldfish, little ones also but this time more fancy ones.  I brought them home and put them in the twenty gallon tank with the eleven little feeder fish.  The original little silver goldfish which had been about an inch long when my daughter brought her (yes I said "her") home was now about two inches long and bright orange.  So they were all swimming around happily and I was feeding them several times a day.  Soon, I noticed that they could hardly swim they had gotten  so big and the tank was too small for them.  They could only face front and wiggle from side to side.  And, they were always hungry.  So, I realized that they needed a bigger fish tank.  I went back to Petland and $400 later I had bought a 90 gallon tank with stand, hood and lights and a huge filtration system.  I bought more gravel and plants and filled up the tank and fixed the plants and gravel and put the now twenty-one gold fish that I had in the twenty gallon tank into the 90 gallon tank.  Again, they suddenly looked so small and lost in that big tank.  So again I went back to the pet store and bought more goldfish.  This  time I didn't have to limit myself to small fish, I bought some big fancy ones. 

The big goldfish is the original little silver fish.

Gato Double Paws

When I was in college I lived in New York City in a fifth floor walk up apartment.  It had two bedrooms the size of shoe boxes, a kitchen, a living room and a bathroom with a claw foot bathtub.  Everyday on my way to classes I would pass the window of this second hand store.  There was a cat in the window that would follow me as I passed the window.  It became a "thing" with us.  He/she was a beautiful sleek, Russian blue with big yellow eyes.  I became obsessed with this beautiful animal and determined that I had to have one just like it. (Formally, I was a "red-tabby" type of person.)  So, I went to the ASPCA to adopt a kitten.  To my surprise the ASPCA had a small, sad looking little gray kitten that just fit the bill.  I paid my donation amount, had her checked out by the vet and took her home to my fifth-floor walk-up.   So cute, so sad.  When I got her home I discovered she had double paws.  She had the normal four toes on each paw, but the vestigial thumb which is normally half way up the inner side of of the front leg was down with the four other toes and it was "doubled".  This little kitten was so cute with its "big" double paws, but as it played I saw it pick things up in its paws like a monkey.  I named her Gato.  She was my own very special Russian blue, sleek gray, yellowed eyed, double pawed kitten.

Fritz Kreisler plays Thaïs-Meditation

Little Did I Know . . .

As a young woman I heard a retirees comment on how difficult they found retirement. I bragged that "I will not find it difficult! . . . Believe me when I retire it is going to be easy for me."  I really thought that would be the case.  But, little did I know how deeply ingrained being part of the "labor force" flow within one's veins.  In mid-2010, having had enough of the "trains", enough of the "push, push,push" to get to work on time (which is an aspect of working that I never believed in!; punching a clock is so "over rated" by employers; when my last boss installed the whole hand reading machine [at a highly dangerous height] my remark to him was, "What next?  My first born?"); enough of the drudgery of automated work; enough of office politics; enough of just about everything that was connected with "work"; I called Social Security and asked how much would I get if I retired "now".  It was a do-able amount and with that behind me, I, right then and there, on the phone applied for my Social Security benefits.  Two weeks before the appointed time which I had given to Social Security, I gave notice to my firm.  (Two weeks notice being the accepted industry standard.) I then walked through the firm for the next two weeks and said my good byes to my co-workers.  But, I didn't realize how deep the "work mode" was ingrained in my psyche.  My eyes continued to open each  morning at 6:00 a.m. (which I really didn't mind); I continued to get out of bed and proceed as if I had to get to work on time. (which I did mind); the "push, push, push" was still in full force.  I had to mentally, s l o w myself and not go into "push" mode.  I accomplished that, but it took several weeks, then I noticed that I had a feeling of "guilt" as if I was doing something "wrong" by not working (this was an unbelievable revelation.)  I worked on that and got over it.  Next, there was the "brow beating" at the end of each day, that, I was not accomplishing enough. So I began to keep a "Daily Done List".  This was a fabulous tool, which made me realize that not only was I doing more than I ever did, I was amazed with the amount of things that I was doing.  Now I trust myself, and no longer need to keep a list of what I have done in order to prove to myself that I have done something.  So these were "stages" that I saw myself go through and cleared the hurdles each time.  My advise to anyone who is contemplating "retirement" is to have a "plan of action".  Continue your "schedule", get up early; lose the "push, push, push"; don't fall into the trap of feeling guilty because you are not "punching a clock" for someone else; and, don't let your mind play tricks on you by "brow-beating" yourself into thinking you are not doing enough. It is alright to relax, alter yourself, retrain your brain, do for you for once.