Snowball

A dearly beloved family member. We got her when she was just a puppy. I remember standing in my crib watching her on the floor, my father standing near her! She was with us for 15 years! She went on our family trips with us! She never had a chew toy (there was no such thing) because she had us to "hang" with. She was our sibling and our protector! If we were in the car with her no one could come near the car! Anyone approaching the door of our house was warned by her vicious barking that she was ready to "defend" and "protect"!  All the kids on our block loved her and befriended her! She got along with all of our other pets! She was confident of her place in our family! Oh, and yes, she never ate "dog food" she ate what we did! She lived to be 15 years old and until the end was in perfect health! She is missed and mourned!

Swaddled

I was at the dentist and had to have x-rays taken. They put a protectioive shield over my chest. I was very heavy and pressed down on my chest. I suddenly felt secure and safe. I remembered being swaddled and having this same feeling! I love sleeping under a ton of blankets so that I am weighed down by them, dafe and sound, thugs too is a result of being swaddled!

The Eye in the Knothole

There is a terrifying memory that I have from my early childhood. We were living in Gerritsen Beach Barack houses. These were wooden structures with a long row of apartments two stories high fronted by a walkway (porch like) with a guard rail with the stairs on the outside at eith end of this porch like walkway. I was probably about six years old and allowed to roar a little freely in the front yard and backyard. I remember there was a small wooden shed separate from the main buildings. Probably was a tool shed very small. It had one wooden plank that had a knothole. The knothole was at a height that I could look into it. I was curious about what was inside the shed. I put my eye to the knothole and peered in. I got the shock of my life as there was an eye (greenish) looking back at me! I jumped away terrified. I never told anyone and I never forgot that experience!

Oh Those Blue Eyes!

My family would make two pilgrimages a year. A two week trip to Miami, Florida in the winter (usually over X-Mass and New Year's holiday) where we would visit my mother's eldest brother, Paul. Then in the summer for two months to Toledo, Ohio to visit numerous relatives. My mother was one of 9 siblings. Six sisters and three brothers. Each of these times were majical. All summer long I got to run in the grass without shoes. In the winter going from the cold and snow into the warmth and going swimming at the beach! One year we were in Miami visiting Uncle Paul and his wife Roseana and their famiy. I looked at my Aunt Roseana as if for the first time. I was struck by the incredible color of her eyes. They were the bluest eyes I had ever seen, except for one other whose eyes were as blue, Uncle Clyde in Toledo. I spoke up and said, "Aunt Roseanna looks like Uncle Clyde. All the adults laughted. It seems that Uncle Clyde and Aunt Roseana were brother and sister and they had married a brother and sister! Confused? I am!

All From Happiness!

When my son was about a year old I read an interesting story in either Time Magazine or The New Yorker. It was about a professional football player who decided to follow his todler around and mimic his actions. He said at the end of about 20 minutes he was exhausted.  I thought it was a great idea, and decided to mimic my son's actions! I crawled when he did, I rolled on my back and kicked my legs in the air, as he did. After about 20 minutes I had a sense of elation! I realized that all his actions were from happiness! And my copying his actions made me happy! That my physical movements had an effect on my mood!

The Butter Cutter Story!

Ah the 'butter cutter". The story goes like this.  My granddaughter had a friend over and I served them toast with the butter on the side. They each had a little silver butter dish with their own butter knife.  The friend asked what was all this.  She had never seen a butter dish or a butter knife. I explained what it was and told her it was because "we live in a very fancy house"! Days later it occurred to me that maybe my granddaughter might not realize all the "special" kitchen gadgets we have that other people don't know about.  Thus the "butter cutter" (which I use weekly to slice our "stick" of butter into individual pats)! The next time I used it I asked her if she knew what it was.  She said it was a cheese slicer (close but no cigar [any body know where that phrase comes from? ]). We do have a cheese slicer so I got it out and showed her the difference.  Explaining that we have a lot of unusual kitchen gadgets (because we live in a very "fancy" house)!

Restoration

A week after 9/11 it was time to go back to work. I worked on Wall Street only a few blocks away from Ground Zero. I was apprehensive about going back. I was also afraid of anyone who looked foreign. When I boarded the train in Brooklyn it was extremely crowded. I stood holding on to a pole, looking at everyone around me fearfully. I had been riding this train since I was 16. This was not the same trIn from my childhood! The train made a sudden jolt and I went flying. At that moment six pairs of arms of various colors reached out for me and prevented me from tumbling to the floor. It made a postive impression on me that the very people I was looking at fearfully saved me. It restored my faith in my fellow man.

The Boggyman is Back

When I was growing up I believed there was a Boggyman that lived under my bed. It only posed a threat at night. If I had to get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom I would jump from my bed to the doorway to avoid the Boggyman grabbing my leg. As an adult, I no longer believed in this Boggyman. But then I noticed that my granddaughter would come running up the stars at night as if something were chasing her! I think that the Bogggyman is back!!!

Little Boy Balded

When my son was about three years old the Cabbage Patch doll had just come into being. As we walked passed a Woolworths on Avenue U there was a display of Cabbage Patch dolls in the window. He ran up to the window, placed his little hands on the window and with his nosed pressed against the glass moved slowly looking at each doll. He said, "I want a little boy balded!" At that time Cabbage Patch dolls sold for $25. No way was I spending that much money on a doll! I thought it too expensive. Soon the price went up to $45 and I was sorry I hadn't bought it. I mentioned to my cousin Jan about Justin wanting a "little boy balded" Cabbage Patch doll. She knew someone who worked for Consumers and could get it for wholesale price ($25). So for his birthday Justin got his "little boy balded" Cabbage Patch doll, who was born on October 1st (same birthdate as my son's) and who was named Justin also!

The Black Shadow

When I was about 14 years old I discovered Tai Chi. I had found a little book that showed the foot positions and the hand positions. I decided to give it a try. I stood in my bedroom and began the simple movements following the diagrams in the book. As I did this a Black Shadow rose up from the corner of my room and flew out the window in great haste. I had no doubt as to what that Black Shadow was lurking in the corner of my room. For years I had avoided it. At night if I had to go to the bathroom I jumped from my bed to the door to avoid it. There were many times that I would get into bed with my parents to avoid the Black Shadow. Obviously the Black Shadow did not want to do battle with someone who knew Tai Chi!

One Macaw, Two Macaw, Three Macaw

A friend asked me to babysit a Macaw parrot that was being sold. I brought the huge cage into my living room (it took up about a quarter of my living room) and a huge tree branch that I propped up on the cage to the window sash so the parrot could walk on it to look out the window. The Macaw was very beautiful and friendly. It would sit on my shoulder while I sat on the couch. I decided to introduce my cat Fluff to the Macaw. So while I was sitting on the couch and the Macaw was on my shoulder I held Fluff on my lap, the Macaw bent down and tried to nip Fluff on the nose. That was all it took and we all knew who was the boss. Outside my apartment I had a flat roof top that served as a terrace. From my living room windows you could see the roof top. I often let Fluff out the kitchen window to run on the roof top. Then I would call her back in, "Fluff, Fluff" and she would come in. The parrot learned her name and when it would see Fluff on the roof top it would call out, "Fluff, Fluff"! It had a small vocabulary. When I would give it something to eat it would say, "Mmmmm, good!" I used to put it on my arm and take it into the bathroom, turn on the shower and and pass the parrot under the shower. It loved it! Then someone bought this beautiful bird and I had to let it go to it's new owners. I was very sorry to see it go. But then the second Macaw came to stay by me. It was completely different colors, completely different set of words and completely different personality. I would come near the cage and it would screech as if I was going to attack it. I realized that this bird had been sorely treated. So I spoke very quietly to it and reassured it that I was not going to hurt it. It did not take long to calm down and trust me. Soon it was sitting on my shoulder on the couch. I would bring it into the kitchen to keep me company while I cooked, etc. I tried to take it into the shower on my arm to pass it under the shower but it didn't like that. We were in the kitchen and the parrot was sitting on the back of the kitchen chair while I was doing the dishes. I decided to try to give it a bath rather than a shower. So I took a tub and started to fill it up in the sink. It started to dance on the back of the chair and said, "What is it? What is it?" I said, "It's a bath." The parrot said, "Who's it for? Who's it for?" I answered, "It's for you." and with that I took the parrot onto my arm and lowered him into the tub which it readily let me do. Such an incredible moment! Soon that Macaw sold also and I had to let it go. I was really saddened to see it leave but I know that the people who spent $800 on this Macaw would take very good care of it. After the second Macaw left I turned my attention to the third Macaw which was not coming to stay with me it had been given to a pet store on Coney Island Avenue that primarily sold pigeons. I went to the pet shop and there was this beautiful Macaw in a cage (too small a cage). Again, so completely different from the other two. Very docile, looking very healthy and calm. Once I was satisfied that the Macaw was in a good place I decided to leave. This is the one and only time that I had anything to do with these majestic, incredible birds. It was a total learning experience for me. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat!!

One Door Closes and Another Opens

After 9/11 the Wall Street law firm that I worked for had lost big clients when the Towers went down. They started laying people off (last in, first out). It was a Wednesday and I was sitting at my desk when I got a call from Human Resources to come up. In the three years that I worked for them I had never been asked to come up to Human Resources. I had a sinking feeling when I rose to go upstairs and I muttered, "Pink slip time." That was exactly what it was. I was informed that they were letting me go. They were sorry but they had to cut back. They had lost numerous big clients when the Towers went down. I returned to my desk in a state of shock and started thinking, "What am I going to do?" I had no money saved to fall back on. While I was pondering my future my phone rang and I hear a woman's voice say in a brash voice (while chewing gum), I have been trying to get in touch with you, (chew, chew, smack, smack) I have a check here for you for $5,000 when can you come pick it up. It was a woman who had sued the BOE on behalf of my daughter and the award had come in. It was unbelievable timing! I now had something to tide me over until I could find another job. After I hung up the phone I typed my resume and started to fax it out right from my desk to other law firms. I printed out a copy and went in to one of the attorneys I worked with. I said to her, "Janet, I know you are not an employment agency but you never know." I handed her the copy of my resume. That was on Wednesday. On Friday she went to court and the co-attorney on the case mentioned that he was looking for a secretary. She handed my resume to him. On Monday I got a call from his law firm to come in for an interview. They were located only two buildings down Wall Street. I went for my interview and the next day received a call that I had got the job. I told them I could start in two weeks, which I did at $10,000 more than what I was presently earning.

Beat the Carpet and Pray

It was the 80's and I had started working a new job on 48th Street in the "diamond district" in Manhattan. It was a small firm that sold semi-precious gem stones. It was run by two young Persian guys and they employed about 10 Asian girls who sorted the stones. It was my first week there and I was finding it very interesting. One day there was a knock at the door (which was always kept locked) and all the Asian girls jumped out of their seats and fell to the floor on their knees and began to beat the carpet with their hands. My mouth fell open I could not imagine what they were doing. Were they praying? Then the door opened and a man with a vacuum came in and began to vacuum the rug. I realized what they had been beating the rug to "pop-up" any gem stones that might have fallen to the floor so they would not be vacuumed up!

When Did it Rain?

When my son was in pre-school he traveled by private van to his school in downtown Brooklyn. Since we lived on a dead-end block in order not to inconvenience the driver we would wait for him to call us and tell us he was at the end of our block. Then we would run out of the apartment and down our walkway. During the running my son would often trip on a defect in the sidewalk and fall flat on his face. But he would jump up and continue running to the van. One morning he was running down the walkway and fell flat on his face into a "rain puddle". He just lay there, finally he lifted his head and looked at me astonished and said, "When did it rain?"!

When Inner Values Conflict with Outer Appearance

My Adoption of Tznios:

The year, most probably, was the summer of 1989. My good friend Ariella told me that she was going to a lecture in Boro Park. I also wanted to go to a lecture but was not interested in the one she was going to. As I was walking through Boro Park I saw a poster that said: "When Inner Values Conflict with Outer Appearance". "Wow", I thought. What does that mean? I had to find out. So I went. It was being held in the heart of Boro Park in a girls Bais Yaakov Yeshiva. It was for women only. The speaker was Rabbi Donner a Dyan from England (totally had no idea who he was or what he would be speaking on, but the title of the lecture "hooked" me from the get-go.

When I arrived there must have been 500 women in attendance. I was lucky enough to get a seat in the main hall and fairly close up, so I was able to see the speaker well. Others were seated downstairs and were watching the speaker on a screen.
After some introductory speakers Rabbi Donner came out. The first thing he did was to marvel at the title of the poster which was advertising his lecture. He said he confronted the organizers of the lecture and said some like, "I thought I was speaking on Tznios?" They replied, "Yes, but had we said "Tznios" no one would have shown up!" (The first of many chuckles that would occur during this lecture.) The next thing he did was to apologize in advance to all the women in attendance and assured them, "I am not speaking about anyone here!" He related how many women took affront to what he had to say. (He seemed mystified by this.) So he apologized in advance. (The second chuckle).

The next thing he did was to assure us that he was not making this up nor did he make the decisions. He took out a "roll" of fax paper (remember we are talking about the late 80s when fax machines used one continuous roll of paper) and declared that he had consulted the head Rabbi in Israel for all the halachic decisions on this subject. And with that statement he tossed one end of the fax roll out towards the audience and let it unroll down the middle isle into the audience. (Third chuckle).

Then he got down to the nitty-gritty of the subject. The length of the sleeve that a woman should wear so that her elbow is covered at all times. The neckline of a garment so that the collarbones were properly covered. The length of skirt below the knee so that it was covered at all times (sitting and standing). The covering of the hair and covering of the skin on a woman's legs. And, on and on. (Are you getting the idea of what this lecture was about.)
At the end of this long and seemingly endless list (none of which we could hold against him because he already told us it was the head Rabbi of Israel who decreed these statement) he then said this:
"When a woman is careful to be modest in these ways, when she wears a stocking in the summer and covers her hair, every drop of sweat that comes off of her body is taken up to Shamyam (heaven) and placed in a vile where it is retained until she or one of her family needs a refuah (a healing)." (No one was chuckling!)
I don't know about anyone else sitting in attendance but I was sold 100%. If that is all it takes to make sure that myself or my family members are protected in times of serious illness . . . how could it be disregarded. Hence my conversion took on a new dimension (one which really required no sacrifice) doing the mitzvah of Tznos!!

Black Cloud - Black Man

When I was in high school, most mornings I would wake up with a "black cloud" hanging over my head.  I hated the world; hated my life; I didn't ask to be born, etc., etc.  You couldn't talk to me; do not even to say "Good Morning".  On one of these mornings, I was riding the then "B train" going into the City to school at about 8:00 a.m.  As I sat there with this "black cloud" hanging over my head and these dark thoughts running through my mind, the door at the end of the train car open, and in came a young black man.  He was riding a crude wooden contraption that was outfitted with four wheels (a dolly), it sat about two inches off the ground, he was tall, handsome and strong, he was beaming a beautiful white toothed, wide smile, but from the waist down he did not exist.  He was "skating" through the car selling pencils from a can, I took one look at this individual who obviously had a real physical problem that occurred through some horrendous trauma, and thought to myself, "I have no problems; nothing to be upset about!"  It was the last time that I ever experienced my "black cloud". To this day, whenever I go into a "blue funk", I remind myself of this beautiful, but tragic individual!

Who is Robert Downey Jr?

Many years ago, when my son Justin was about 14 years old, his friend Jr came to me and said, "Don't you think that Justin looks like Robert Downey, Jr." and, I said, "Who's Robert Downey, Jr.?" He mentioned a movie called Restoration. It seems they (my son and Jr) were watching this movie and Jr decided that Justin looked a lot like Robert Downey, Jr. So I took the movie restoration out of the local library and watched it. I saw what Jr was talking about. Justin did look like Robert Downey, Jr. I thought,"Oh, why couldn't my son be a famous movie star." Then about two weeks later I had the radio on in my kitchen and was listening to the news. It said that Robert Downey, Jr. had been arrested (yet again) for drug use. Right there at that moment I thanked G-d that my son was not a famous movie star. But at the same time (probably because of the physical resemblance he shared with my son) my motherly heart went out to Robert Downey, Jr. and I felt sadness for his troubled situation. Needless to say, that I was now aware of who Robert Downey, Jr. was. I have seen many of his movies. I am happy that he has finally settled down and is happily married (again the mother in me).

Reoccurring Dream

While reading a book called "The Kite Runner" (which if you haven't read it I highly recommend it; well written and totally engaging story)  Sohrab says, "I saw a picture of San Francisco once. . . . There was a red bridge and a building with a pointy top."  You should see the streets." Amir says. . . "What about them?" Sohrab says. .. "They are so steep, when you drive up all you see is the hood of your car and the sky." And, just like that it triggered the memory of a long forgotten reoccurring dream I used to have in my 20s.  I would be driving up and down the steep hills of San Francisco.  I could see much more than just the hood of my car and the sky. My stomach would be in "lurch mode" from the downhills and fear would fill me as I would go uphill believing that the car was going to roll backwards at a red light. Just like that I remembered a reoccurring dream which I had long ago forgotten.